Yesterday I published the very personal and tragic story of my own miscarriage, and the outpouring of support was overwhelming. So many other mommas had a story that was almost exactly like mine. It’s a pretty crappy club of which to be a part, as a friend and I discussed last night. One thing I heard several times was women who had had a miscarriage were worried they would have another one or have already had another one. I wanted to share my experience with that. After I lost Eli, a sweet friend of mine shared with me that she had a miscarriage and with the next pregnancy she had her progesterone checked. It was too low, and with progesterone supplementation she was able to sustain her pregnancy, and now has 3 healthy boys.
This is by far the hardest post I’ve written. I’m saying that from the outset because my thoughts are already scattered and my emotions are raw. I’m fighting back tears right now, but I thought maybe the best thing to do would be to go ahead and get my feelings written down while I was experiencing them. I can’t promise all my thoughts will be completely coherent, but I will do my best to explain my feelings.
Let me first say this before I even start: this is a touchy subject. Every momma who has experienced a loss deals with it and grieves in her own way. I would never presume to judge their choices, actions, or feelings. This is not about what I think people should do or think, this is only about me and my experience. Please read this understanding that these are my raw emotions regarding my own miscarriage, and not a commentary on anyone else’s experience. I almost hesitate to write it because I don’t want anyone who has had a miscarriage and disagrees with my feelings on it to assume that I’m making a judgment about how they handled theirs. I don’t write this to persuade anybody of anything. I write this because I made choices that I didn’t fully understand. I would do things differently if I had it to do all over again. This is for your contemplation, nothing more.